


Timestamp - Post Angel Slayer

by emwebb17



Series: Angel Slayer [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 06:34:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18959827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emwebb17/pseuds/emwebb17
Summary: Oska meets Benson's family.





	Timestamp - Post Angel Slayer

Benson exhaled deeply and strummed his fingers on the wheel of his Impala.  He looked at the large single family home in front of him tastefully decorated with a few white lights and festive candy canes on the porch railing.  A single electric candle gleamed out of each window.  He put his hand on the gear shift to put the car in park, but paused when it slid into reverse.  He chewed on his upper lip and heard his passenger shift beside him.

“So, I’ve got some games on my phone,” Oska said.  “But I need to know if I should start something that will take a short time to play like Flappy Bird or if I should go with something more involved like Angry Birds.”

Benson huffed quietly.

“Is it odd that there are so many games about crashing birds into things?”

Benson put the car in park and turned off the ignition.  He turned to Oska who was looking at his new iPhone with a deeply furrowed brow.  His finger tapped the screen and the phone beeped at him in annoyance.  Oska made a face at it and punched his finger against the screen a few more times.

“Oska.”

Oska raised his head to look at him.  “Benson.”

“Look, I’m not worried about them not liking you or about springing the surprise of your gender on them because I am out.  But.”

“But.”

“I didn’t exactly tell them any details…about our relationship.  I just said that I was bringing someone to dinner.”

“And you don’t think that they might suspect it might be a romantic interest?”

“They might.  My mom definitely will.  But, I mean—I’m not bringing home the guy I’m dating to meet my family at some random family dinner.  I’m introducing them to the guy that I’m now living with on a permanent and indefinite basis to Christmas dinner with no warning whatsoever.”  Benson sighed.  “I just don’t know how they’re going to react.  And, honestly?  Some of them will not react well.  Probably my father.”  He scowled.  “Especially my father.”

“And yet, still won’t even crack the top ten worst things that have happened to me all year.”

Benson gave him a pained look.  Oska looked contrite for a moment and then slid across the bench seat.  He cupped his jaw with hand and leaned forward to place a quick, but reassuring kiss on his lips.

“Benson, I don’t blame you for not mentioning me to them sooner.  I mean, it’s only been a couple weeks and we’re still feeling this thing out.  I’m happy you didn’t even hesitate to include me in your family gathering.  This is something we’ve decided to do together, and that means we’ll have to face the reactions to our decisions together.  And besides, you’re amazing.  Which means if they raised you, they have to be good people.”

Benson blushed slightly and dropped his eyes.  He did think his family was good people, but a person certainly wasn’t dictated by who their family was.  He’d known plenty of assholes that had come from nice people and plenty of nice people who had come from assholes.  He just hoped that even if his parents and siblings couldn’t blindly accept Benson’s sudden and drastic life choices that they would at least have enough respect for him and Oska to let it pass for the duration of one dinner.  Or at least phrase their questions in as least an insulting manner as possible.

“We could go,” Benson said.  “Skip dinner.  We could go get Chinese and make out in the back of the car.”

“If you want to.”

Benson frowned.  “Aren’t you supposed to say something like there’s no point in delaying the inevitable and we should just man up and face the consequences of our actions?”

Oska gave him an amused half smile.  “That’s not me, babe.  I mean, if it’s inevitable, there’s no real need to rush into it, right?  If it’s definitely going to happen, who cares when it does?”

Benson thought about that for a moment.  “I suppose that makes a kind of sense.”

Oska smiled and slid closer, kissing Benson’s cheek and whispering, “But that’s not you.”

Benson inhaled deeply, catching the scent of his soap on Oska’s body and the warm cinnamon-y flavor of his breath.  He turned his head and got his lips in a slightly awkward kiss.  Then he slid his fingers into Oska’s hair and turned him so that they could share a real kiss.

Something rapped on the window, and they started and pulled apart.  Outside the window he saw his younger brother, Hollis, grinning at them and waving a hand.  He’d parked his Lexus behind the Impala, so they were trapped in the driveway.  Benson heaved a sigh.

“Might as well do this,” he mumbled.

Benson opened his car door and Oska slid to his side to get out on the passenger side.  Hollis wrapped him in a big hug before he even had the door completely shut.

“I so won the bet!” Hollis said, his hazel eyes sparkling with glee.

“What bet?” Benson groused.

“Well, when we found out you told Mom you were ‘bringing someone’ to Christmas dinner, we all took bets on who it was going to be.  Aldrich thought it was just going to be some poor sap from work who had nowhere else to go.  Connolly, Everly, and Mom all thought it was going to be a girlfriend.  I’m the only one who said it was going to be a boyfriend.”

“Congratulations,” Benson said dryly.

His little brother either didn’t hear the displeasure in his tone or ignored it because his smile didn’t waver.  He just looked at Oska as he walked around the car.  He nudged Benson.

“He’s good looking.  But everyone you date is.”

“You date a lot?” Oska asked.  “I thought you said you weren’t a slut.”

Hollis laughed and Benson scowled at him.

“I’m not.  Not everyone marries their high school sweetheart.”

Oska shrugged a shoulder.  Hollis’ jaw dropped.  He leaned in close to Benson.

“He’s married?” he hissed.  “ _Dude_.”

“Hollis, shut up.  Oska, this is my little brother, Hollis.  Hollis, Oska.”

“Oska?  Are you Russian?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Benson repressed a smile as he watched his brother deal with Oska’s straightforward and uninformative manner.  They had only known each other about four months and only been living together for two weeks, but Benson had learned pretty fast that if he wanted a detailed explanation from Oska he couldn’t phrase his questions as yes/no because that was all he was going to get.

“Where’s your wife?” Benson asked to distract Hollis from his intense scrutiny of Oska.

“She’s already here.  She’s been here all day helping Mom and Everly cook.”

“You left her to defend herself against Mom alone?”

“You’re thinking of Lynn.  Mom likes my wife.”

Benson smiled and shook his head.  “That’s not what I meant.  Just be prepared for when Kristen tells you that you two need to start trying for another baby.”

Hollis’ smiled disappeared.  “Fuck.”  He took off for the house, a bottle of wine swinging wildly in one hand.  Oska moved to stand next to him.

“So, the womenfolk are doing all the cooking?  I had no idea your family was so…”

Benson gave him a look, daring him to finish his sentence.

“…traditional.”

“Nice save.”

Oska pressed close and kissed him.  “I hope they’re not traditional in other ways.  Your brother seemed cool with us.”

“Yeah, it should be okay.  Except for my dad.”  Benson kissed his lips, his cheek, his jaw, his neck.

Oska chuckled and pulled away.  “Easy.  We should comport ourselves with restraint and decorum.  No need to let them think some fairy has corrupted you with the homosexual agenda.”

“Especially since it was the other way around.”

“True enough.  Jesus, do you have any idea what it would have been like trying to introduce you to my parents?”

“Would they not have been okay with it?”

“Well.  It’s hard to say.  My dad would probably want to take you hunting.  If you could shoot a deer between the eyes from hundred yards away he wouldn’t care who you were banging.  My mom would spend the whole time making really offensive comments involving stereotypes and then asking if it was offensive.  My sister would have just asked me when the pride parade was.”

Benson smiled softly and brushed the back of his knuckles against Oska’s soft cheek.  His eyes were downcast and Benson could tell he was swimming in happy and sad memories.  He waited to see if the sad were going to consume him and inched closer so he could pull him into his arms faster if he needed to.  Then Oska raised his head with a forced smile.

“My birth father would probably want to go to the parade too.”

Benson cocked his head.  He remembered Oska had told him that his father was technically his stepfather, but he’d never spoken of his birth father before.

“Is he—still alive?”

Oska shrugged a shoulder and turned to walk toward the house.  “I think so.  I haven’t seen him since I was six, so…”

Benson followed after him and processed this new information.  He wondered if Oska wanted to reach out to him since he was the only family he had left.  Tonight wasn’t the best time for that conversation though; they had enough to deal with considering the entire Remick clan was waiting inside to find out the results of their betting pool.  Unless of course Hollis had already announced it with his big mouth.

Inside it was worse than Benson had feared.  The house was loud and chaotic with running, screaming children, orders being delivered by way too many cooks in the kitchen, loud shouting at the TV as it blared a college football game in the living room, and Christmas music providing a steady thrum underneath it all.

Oska looked slightly overwhelmed.  He’d stayed in Benson’s apartment for the past two weeks, avoiding crowds—well, people—and more often than not Benson found him sitting in silence when he came home from work.  The problem was that he didn’t know if that was just the way Oska was, or if he was still suffering the effects of his ordeal with Russ.  He was going to need to find out soon; if Oska needed help he needed to be the one to support him through it.  Right now just wasn’t a good time though.

“Benny!”

Benson cringed as his mother caught sight of him and passed off the wooden spoon she’d been using to stir the contents of a pot to her daughter-in-law.  She made her way out of the kitchen and Benson tried to ignore the amused smirk Oska was sending in his direction.

“Benny?” Oska whispered as Benson took his coat from him.

“No.  Unless you want to go by Dima.”

Oska frowned at him, but then turned on a bright happy smile when his mother reached them.  Benson finished hanging their coats in the closet and enveloped his tiny mother in a big hug.  It was amazing that she had birthed three sons over six feet tall and two more children not much under that mark.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re here, honey.  David!  Turn down that racket!”

The volume on the TV dipped and Benson could hear several sets of feet converging on the foyer.  He felt his chest tighten with anxiety and glanced at Oska to send him an apologetic look, but he now looked perfectly at ease and was smiling at his mother.

“Uh, Mom, this is my friend—Um.  I mean.”  He cut off as everyone crowded into the foyer.  His oldest brother smacked his two kids to get them to stop squabbling.  “Uh, everyone.  So, I brought—my boyfriend.”  He paused and looked around.  Everyone was carefully keeping their expressions neutral.  “To dinner.  Um, this is my mother, Evelyn, and my father, David.  That’s my oldest brother, Aldrich, and his wife, Lynn.  Those are their kids Kylie and Jamie.  That’s my other older brother, Connolly, and his wife, Navya.  That little troublemaker right there is Aadi and there’s a baby somewhere.”

“She’s taking a nap upstairs,” Navya said.

“Ah.  That would be Brennen.  And you met my younger brother, Hollis, outside.  That’s his wife, Kristen, and troublemaker number two is Ellia.”  The little girl giggled at her title.  “And this is my little sister, Everly.  Where’s your boyfriend?  Rick, Dick?”

“ _Richard_ ,” Everly said with a narrowed eye.

“Right.  Him.”

“He’s with his family.”

“I see.  Everyone, this is Oska Mercer.”

Everyone chorused hello at him and his brothers stepped forward to shake hands with him and his mother gave him an awkward hug.  Benson only had a split second to recognize the look on his father’s face.  He had no time to intercept the question.

“Oska.  Were your parents Communists?”

Everyone went quiet, more than a few pairs of eyes going wide, but nobody was looking at either his father or Oska.  Except for Benson who leveled his father with a hard look.

“No,” Oska said.  “They weren’t.  I guess it is an unusual name.  But I feel like I fit right in with this crowd.  You all have such unique names.”

“Yeah, did you notice that our parents gave us all surnames for first names?” Hollis asked.

“They are not surnames,” his mother said.

Multiple conversations broke out and the moment of awkwardness from his father’s question passed.  Most of the women returned quickly to the kitchen, remembering they’d left things unattended on the stove.  His mother shooed his father back into the living room to turn off the TV and instructed Benson to get Oska a drink.  Within moments they stood alone in the empty foyer.  Benson exhaled through his mouth.  He looked at Oska.

“So,” Benson said.

“So,” Oska repeated.

“This is going to be awesome.”

“Oh, I can already tell it will be.  Should I talk about how much I love Obamacare because socialized medicine is the way a responsible government takes care of its citizens?”

Benson grinned and wrapped an arm around his waist.  “Maybe at the next family meal, okay?  Let’s just live through this one.”

“Okay.”

Benson was surprised when Oska grabbed his face and pulled him in for a fierce kiss.  It was hard and sloppy and only stopped because they heard giggling.  Benson’s nieces were peeking at them around a corner and then squealed and ran off when they were spotted.  Benson smiled at them, but then felt the expression fade when he faced Oska again.  He looked very serious.

“I promise I’ll get them to like me.”

Benson tilted his head, a little confused by Oska’s severe conviction.

“I won’t lose you,” Oska breathed out, closing his eyes.

“Hey,” Benson said, putting a hand to his face and getting him to make eye contact.  “You’re not going to lose me over anything.”

Oska nodded, but he could see in his eyes that he didn’t believe him.  And he supposed Oska was right.  What if his family absolutely rejected Oska?  Not that he believed they would, but if he had to choose between his family and Oska…he pulled the man close and hugged him tightly.  He petted the back of his head.

“I promise they’ll like you,” he said.  “I love you.  How could they not?”

Oska sighed and leaned against him heavily.  Benson rubbed his back soothingly.  Maybe he should have reconsidered using a hectic family dinner as a way to introduce Oska to his family.  He should have started with Hollis and Everly and then worked his way up, using his siblings’ approval to help pave the way for his parents.

“Benson!” his mother called.  “Dinner is on the table!  Please come join us.  David, for the last time, turn off that game!  You don’t even care about the teams!”

The noise in the house died down a little as the game was turned off and the Christmas music was switched to instrumental and turned down to “mood-setting” levels.  The kids were quiet enough as they were set up at the kids’ table in the kitchen and began stuffing their mouths with chicken nuggets and yeast rolls.  Inside the formal dining room, two leafs had been added to the table to make it long enough to accommodate eleven people, and even then it was still going to be a tight squeeze.  Benson’s parents sat at the ends of the table and he made sure to sit by his mother and put Oska beside him and next to Hollis and across from Everly.  They were probably the safest bets for who would treat Oska like he was a guest rather than a suspect brought in for an interrogation.

Every inch of the table was covered with steaming dishes of food and plates and flatware and glassware and a decorative faux holly branch winding through a set of silver candles that gave off a pleasant glow.  His mother always went all out for holidays, but this was nothing compared to Thanksgiving.  He gave his brother a look when he shorted him on the wine, and he filled his glass higher.  Benson picked up the glass and took a couple of deep swallows.  He had a feeling he would need a lot more before dinner was over.

“Everything smells delicious, Ms. Remick,” Oska said as he put his napkin in his lap.  “Thank you for having me.”

“Oh, of course, Oska.  We’re very happy to have you.  Though very surprised.  Benson’s never mentioned you.”

“Uh, well…”

“We haven’t known each other all that long,” Benson jumped in.  “Do we need to say a blessing?”

“Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me,” his mother said.

She reached her hands out and everyone took her cue and joined hands.  Benson wasn’t religious and could do just as well without a prayer, but he was being a coward and delaying the barrage of questions that he knew was coming Oska’s way.  The delay was short lived as his mother’s blessing was brief and even the important business of serving plates and stuffing faces wasn’t enough to curtail his family’s curiosity.

“How long has your family been in the States, Oska?” his father started out.  Benson barely refrained from rolling his eyes.

“Um.  All their lives.  We’re not Russian or immigrants.  My mother just liked the name.”

His father narrowed his eyes slightly.

“So how did you two meet?” his mother asked at the same time his father demanded to know, “What do you do for a living?”

Benson and Oska glanced at each other.  Neither was a question that had a great answer for impressing the family of one’s significant other.  Oska wisely deferred to answering his father first.  Or perhaps he was just assuming that was the easier question to answer.

“Well, I was a police officer with the Elton PD.  Elton is in New Hampshire.”

“And that’s how we met,” Benson said.  “When I was in New Hampshire for that big case.  Can you pass me the mashed potatoes, Al?”

“You said ‘was,’” his father said as he spooned hollandaise sauce onto his broccoli.  “Are you no longer a police officer?”

Benson frowned at the mashed potatoes as he dumped a spoonful onto his plate.  Couldn’t his father pay a little less attention to detail?

“Um.  Yes.  I recently resigned.”

“Resigned?” his father asked, clearly implying with his tone that there was something more nefarious to the story.

“Yes,” Oska confirmed.  “Thank you,” he said to Hollis as the man cut off his father’s view of Oska by passing him the rolls.

Before his father could speak again, Everly jumped in.  “So New Hampshire.  Wow.  It must be hard doing the long distance thing.”

Benson deflated a little more.  He knew his sister had been trying to help, but that was an entirely different can of worms to deal with.  He set his utensils down and glanced at Oska.  He gave a little shrug as he took a bite of his beef tenderloin.

“Okay.  Rather than reveal this in bits and pieces like we’re trying to hide anything, I think we just need to put everything out on the table.  Oska was a police officer in the town in New Hampshire where I spent the last several months tracking that serial killer.  That’s how we initially met.  He wasn’t working the case itself, but the Elton police department is pretty small so we ran into each other on occasion.”

“Dude, you scored a hook up while working a case?” Hollis asked with a laugh.

Benson shot him a look and his brother withered further under the slight glare from his wife.

“We…became acquainted and a relationship developed from that.”  Benson cleared his throat.  “Look, here’s the thing.  The killer—I told you he was the one I had tracked during my first year in the Bureau.  The one who had killed in this area.  What I didn’t tell you is that—he knew who I was.  While we were working together, he knew I was the agent who had worked the case in DC and he—had a slight obsession with me.”

“Slight?” Oska muttered.

Benson squeezed his thigh under the table, but fortunately his comment had been hidden under the soft gasps from his family.

“Benson,” his mother said and reached out for his arm.  “Does he want to—to—hurt you?”

“It’s okay, Mom.  He’s in jail.  He can’t hurt anyone.”

“Oh, Benny.  This is why I don’t like you doing this job.  It’s too dangerous.”

“Mom, we can’t get off topic right now.  The killer is in jail now, and we’re all safe.  But at the time—he was keeping tabs on me.  And when he found out that Oska and I were involved—he...”  Benson glanced at Oska, mostly just to reassure himself that the man was really there by his side.  “He targeted him.”  He decided to leave it at that; his family didn’t need details.  “Fortunately, we were able to catch him before—before he…”

Benson looked down at his plate.  He couldn’t say before anything bad had happened because something terrible had happened.  And that was only what he knew about.  He knew Oska still hadn’t told him everything that had happened and he had no idea if he was even dealing with it or ignoring it.  They’d been so wrapped up in each other the past two weeks, but not a whit of the real world had penetrated their happy bubble.  He wondered when they were finally going to sit down and talk about it all.

“Anyway,” Benson finally continued as his family had stopped eating to stare at them.  “The whole ordeal made us realize…how strongly we feel for each other.  That’s why Oska resigned his position; he moved down here to be near me.  And.  We’re living together.”

“You’re what?” Aldrich coughed out around an aborted sip of wine.

“Oska moved in with me two weeks ago.  And I know we haven’t known each other long, but we know each other well.  And this wasn’t a decision we entered into lightly.  So it’s important that you realize this isn’t just some guy I’m seeing.  He’s—my partner, I guess.  We’re living together with the understanding that it’s a lifetime commitment.”

“Lifetime?” his mother said, and then quickly glanced away as she took a bite of her dinner.

“Benson, come on,” Connolly said in that tone Benson recognized as his brother’s obnoxious “I’m a psychiatrist and I’m about to tell you what’s wrong with you” voice.  “If you two suffered a traumatic incident together, the endorphins make every emotion heightened.  I’m not saying you don’t have real feelings for each other or that you even shouldn’t be living together, but don’t pigeonhole yourself into a fairytale rescue happily ever after kind of commitment.”

“Thank you, Dr. Remick,” Benson snapped.

“Hey, don’t yell at him,” Aldrich said.  “You’re the one making snap decision based on emotion.”

“How else do you decide if you want to be with someone if not emotion?  Run them through a series of pros and cons on an Excel spreadsheet?  Tell me, how high was Lynn’s score that you knew she was ‘the one?’”

“Benson, please,” his mother said softly.

“What?  I’ve seen the chart.  I just want to know what the cut off is.”

Lynn put down her fork and looked at her husband.  “You made one of your Excel spreadsheets about me?” she asked icily.  “Like the one you used to determine which house was the best choice for us to buy?”

Aldrich shot a glare at Benson and then turned to his wife.  “No, it wasn’t like that…”

“Benson,” Everly interrupted.  “I think it’s great you have somebody.  And I’m sure you do know how you feel about him.  But…you haven’t dated a guy in, like, years.”

“So?”

“So, how do you know you’re not just excited by the differentness or something and it’s confusing you?”

Benson jutted his jaw to the side in annoyance.  “Did you really just ask me that?”

“Hey,” Hollis said, “Don’t you think we should know the guy for more than thirty minutes before we decide for Benson who he’s supposed to like?”

“Oh my God, that’s not what I was doing at all,” Everly groaned.

“I never said we were supposed to decide for him,” Connolly said, “just that he should reserve judgment.”

Benson was hot with his anger, nearly feeling that blinding rage only the case in Elton had managed to induce in him.  He also realized he was near tears.  Not because his family was rejecting his capacity to understand his own feelings, but because he knew Oska must be feeling like shit right now.  He was embarrassed that his family was being so tactless and thoughtless.

“Benny, honey,” his mother said, patting his hand soothingly.  “We’re not trying to gang up on you.  This is just a lot for us to take in.  You can understand why we would be skeptical.”

“No, Mom, I can’t.  Do I often make rash decisions?  Am I the one in the family who gets arrested overseas because I thought it would be a good idea to jump into the Trevi Fountain?”

“Hey,” Hollis said softly.

“Sorry,” Benson shot his way.  “I always get called the level-headed one.  Al is practical and Connolly is analytical.  Hollis and Everly are the free spirits.  I’m dependable, even-keeled Benson.  Why on earth would you think that I’ve lost my mind now and just brought some guy home like a stray puppy?”

“Because you’ve made poor decisions before when it comes to these— _proclivities_ of yours.”

Everyone went silent and Benson looked at his father, his mouth slightly ajar.

“ _Proclivities_?  Dad, how many times do I have to tell you that it’s not something I do for fun on the weekends?”

“These things only happen when you think that you like men.”

“ _Think_ that I like men.  Or make the _choice_ to like them that week?  Dad.  I know you don’t really believe in the whole bisexual thing, but—”

“Benson, we don’t care what sexuality you choose to self-identify as.  We are having trouble accepting this blindsiding news because it’s just going to be Levi all over again.”

Benson sat back like he’d been slapped.  He stood up and peripherally he heard the sound of his chair clattering on the floor.  His whole body was tense to the point of pain.

“Fuck you,” he ground out.

“Benson,” his mother gasped.

Benson reached out and grabbed Oska’s arm.  The man stumbled as Benson pulled him from his seat and marched him to the foyer.  He heard his younger brother calling out to him to wait and his mother harshly scolding his father, but that was only background noise to the rush of blood pounding in his head.  He grabbed their coats out of the closet and followed Oska out the front door who had had the sense to get himself moving in the direction Benson wanted him to go before he started dragging him around by his hair like a caveman.

“Benson, wait!” Hollis called out from the door.

“Tell the family to enjoy their dinner,” Benson spat out as he unlocked the Impala.  “We won’t be coming over in the morning.  Tell the kids they’ll get their presents later.”

He threw their coats into the backseat and then slid into the car, unlocking the door for Oska who got in quickly.

“Don’t hit my car!” Hollis yelled.

Benson started the car and backed up into his parents’ front yard.  He didn’t care if he left deep tread marks in the wet ground.  The bumper scraped on the ground as they drove over the curb and Benson barely kept his speed in check as they drove through the residential neighborhood.  Once they were on the bypass heading for the highway, he gunned the engine and clamped his hands on the wheel.  His jaw hurt from clenching his teeth together so tightly.  He realized he was having trouble seeing because dusk had fallen and he hadn’t turned on his headlights.  He didn’t think he could pry his hands off the wheel to turn them on though.

“Benson,” he heard a comforting voice say.  A hand touched the back of his neck and tried to massage away some of the tension.  “Benson, baby, you need to slow down.  Or pull over, okay?”

Benson swallowed and listened to the voice.  He pulled the car over onto the large shoulder and slowed to a stop.  He killed the engine and bowed his head.  The last light of the day faded to darkness and they sat undisturbed on the road that was completely devoid of traffic.  Oska’s hand continued to massage his neck.

“Baby, are you okay?”

Benson looked up and into Oska’s eyes.  He couldn’t see them that well in the dark, but he could picture the bright blue clouded with concern.  He tried to focus on his eyes to calm himself down.  He could feel it starting to work.  And then Oska licked his lips.  Benson twisted his hand in Oska’s shirt and yanked him forward.  Their lips crashed together painfully hard, but Oska returned the kiss, giving Benson what he silently asked for.

Benson could feel that he was out of control.  His hands pawed at Oska’s hair, his clothing, fingers twisting and grasping at any part of him he could get a hold of.  He didn’t kiss him so much as devour him, sucking his lower lip into his mouth and biting it before thrusting his tongue into his mouth.  Oska couldn’t even respond because Benson kept stroking his tongue inside him over and over, trying to force his feelings and intentions onto the man.

Benson pulled back to breathe and found himself in awe at Oska’s debauched appearance.  His hair was a mess, his clothes askew, his expression was dazed, and he was almost breathless.  But he was willing and he was wanting.  Benson threw himself over the seatback, dragging Oska with him into the backseat.  He had Oska’s sweater over his head before the man even pulled his legs completely over the front seat.  He couldn’t be bothered with the buttons of the dress shirt and just pushed it up under Oska’s arms.  Then he furiously worked at opening Oska’s fly while he resumed his brutal kissing.  Oska struggled with the belt on Benson’s pants and managed to look down to get the zipper open while Benson sat up enough to pull his shirt over his head.  Then he was back on Oska, pushing his tongue into his mouth, knowing he needed to be inside him somehow since they weren’t going to be able to do what he really wanted to do.  He got their dicks released from their underwear and sliding together, trapped between their bodies.

The frenzy eased just a bit as he felt his cock sliding against Oska’s arm belly, the precome pulsing from Oska’s slit easing the way as they rutted together.  He cupped Oska’s face with both hands and fucked his tongue into Oska’s mouth in a slow but forceful rhythm.  Oska slid a thigh between his so that their bodies locked together.  He grabbed Benson’s ass and pulled him down into the writhing of their bodies.  Benson felt himself getting a little lightheaded; he needed air.  But he was almost there, he was so close—he pumped his hips and Oska let out a high keening sound that was muffled by Benson’s lips.  And then Benson pulled back just a bit as he groaned in needy pleasure and Oska arched against him, forcing their bodies together and sending a spike of overstimulation through both of them.  Oska was letting out small whimpers from behind his bitten lower lip.  His eyes were squeezed tightly shut and Benson watched as he shuddered through a prolonged orgasm.

At last Oska’s body relaxed, but he panted heavily, his breath spilling over into Benson’s mouth.  Benson lowered his head and kissed him, but had to pull back immediately as he needed to breathe.  He put his forehead to Oska’s temple and they were content to lay still and pant until they could breathe through their noses again.  Benson shifted just enough so that they could both lay comfortably on the bench.  Well, as comfortable as two grown men could lay on a car seat that wasn’t long enough for them to stretch out on.  Oska’s hand found his arm, and then slid down the sweaty limb until he found his hand.  He tangled their fingers together and pulled it up to rest on his chest.  Several long minutes passed in a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable, but wasn’t devoid of tension either.  Then Oska spoke softly, barely daring to break the stillness around them.

“Do you think…if I…baked them some banana bread they would warm up to me faster?”

Benson considered his words, and then he chuckled.

“I’m serious.  I make really good banana bread.”

Benson started laughing and could feel himself on the edge of hysteria as he buried his face in Oska’s shoulder.  His whole body shook with laughter, and then he could feel Oska join in with him.  They laughed together and when Benson sat partially up to look down at him, he felt monumentally better.  The tightness in his chest he had been feeling since he’d introduced his family to Oska had finally loosened.  He used his free hand to brush the damp curls from Oska’s forehead and smiled down at him.  He’d had no doubts about asking Oska to move in with him, and this moment confirmed for him that he’d been right to have no doubts.

He leaned down and placed a barely there kiss on Oska’s abused lips.  Between his wild kissing and Oska’s teeth, his lips were wrecked.

“Sorry, baby.”

“Don’t apologize.”

Benson struggled to sit up without elbowing Oska anywhere sensitive and they both made a face at the sticky sound of their torsos peeling apart.  They struggled for a moment to right themselves, and then they were sitting on the seat side by side.  Oska turned partially to face him and pulled Benson close to lean against him.  He played with Benson’s sweat-sticky hair and made no mention that they should probably get dressed and move along before a cop found them.  He also made no mention of the elephant in the room.  Well, car.

“So,” Benson said, leaning into Oska’s touch.  “I guess you want to know who Levi is and what that was all about.”

“I assume we’re not talking about Levi Strauss.”

Benson let out a huff of laughter.  “No.  Definitely a different Levi.”

“Hmm.”

Benson fidgeted.  “So, you want to know, right?  Why I caused a scene and literally dragged you out of my parents’ house.”

“If you want to tell me.”

Benson turned to look at him.  “Do you not want to know?” he asked curiously.

“Do I want to know about some asshole who broke your heart?  Honestly?  Not really.”

Benson’s brow creased and he raised a hand to chew on his thumbnail.  Oska gently pushed his hand down by the wrist.

“Why don’t you want to know?  Don’t couples who are supposed to be in it for the long haul kind of relationships want to know all about that stuff?  I mean, I called you my fricken life partner.  So doesn’t that mean we take windy walks on the beach and share everything?”

“Well, I’m not sure I’d want to take a windy walk on the beach; too much sand.  As for knowing everything about each other, I assume since we’re in an ‘in it for the long haul’ kind of relationship that that means we’ve got plenty of time to learn about each other.  If today’s not the day, it will be another.”

“Are you not worried it will change things though?  My brother always says he sees couples in therapy because they hid things that they considered to be ‘their own personal business,’ but when the truth came out it completely changed their partner’s opinions of them."

Oska settled back against the seat, but left his hand in Benson's hair.  "Unless your secret is that you're one of Russ' many disciples and you're playing an incredibly long game of torture to make me suffer as much as possible, I really don't think there's anything that could change the way I feel about you."

Benson turned his head to look at Oska.  "That's not fucking funny."

"I'm not laughing."

Benson looked away.  "No, I'm not one of Russ' disciples.  The skeletons in my closet don't involve murder or criminal activity."  Benson shook his head with a self-deprecating smile.  "In fact they aren't skeletons at all.  Just humiliating memories."

"Do you want to share them tonight?"

"Not really."

Oska hummed.  "And I'm okay with that.  Aren't I the best boyfriend-slash-life partner-slash-proclivity you've ever had?"

Benson groaned-laughed at the word his father had used.  "You're the best anything I've ever had."

"I don't even think that's hyperbole."

"Shut up.  It's not, but shut up anyway."

Oska leaned his head on Benson's shoulder.  He shivered and Benson wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close.  They should probably get dressed and turn the car on; it was below freezing already and the temperature was still dropping.  But it was peaceful and serene in the private world of the backseat of a classic car.

"What made you buy this car?" Oska asked, sounding sleepy.

"Well, I didn't buy it.  It was kind of a gift.  In high school and college I helped out a local man with his chores and stuff.  You know, it started as one of those projects you do for the National Honor Society where you do outreach to the community.  But, he and I—well, to say we became friends wouldn't be entirely accurate."  Benson chuckled at the memory of Old Man Jenkins.  "He was a crotchety son of a bitch."

"Sounds delightful," Oska murmured.

"He had his good points.  Anyway, he let me drive his car to run his errands for him.  And even though it was only supposed to be for a couple of weeks for school credit, I just kept going to visit him.  For years.  After he died I found out he had willed this car to me.  I loved this car.  I _love_ this car.  It's the kind of car that was meant for a different kind of man, I think, but it suits me too."

Oska twirled a finger on Benson's thigh.  "How many people have you had sex with in this backseat?"

Benson chuckled.  "Including you?"

"Yep."

"Just one."

"Bullshit."

"Honest.  I like this car too much to mess it up with something as disgusting as sex."

Oska sat up and looked Benson in the eye.  "I'm honored."

"Shut up.  Jerkface."

Oska gave him a wink and picked his sweater up off the floorboard.  "Alright.  Take me home.  Charlie needs to be let out and you need to sleep tonight off so that you'll feel better about facing your family again tomorrow."

Benson paused as he was putting his shirt on.  "I meant it.  I'm not seeing them tomorrow."  He put his head through the neck hole and popped out to find Oska giving him a look.  "What?  They were the ones out of line.  And no amount of sleep is going to make me want to see them tomorrow."

"But your nieces and nephews, they don't deserve to be punished for—"

"Oska.  No."

"Okay fine.  But you still need to go home and go to sleep so you'll be able to wake up in the morning with enough energy to give me a proper fuck."

Benson smiled at him.  "Now that is suitable motivation."

 

Benson was more than happy to celebrate his first Christmas (and the week of vacation that followed) with Oska privately in the comfort of their own home, where they could walk around naked if they felt like it and make love whenever and wherever the mood struck them.  Though Charlie had taken to crawling around on the floor to get a good view of them as they went at it.  Benson had thought it was weird, but Oska had just told him to shut up and fuck him harder because pet ownership meant having an audience while having sex.  Benson hadn't been sure that was a universal truth, but he successfully put her out of his mind.  Most of the time.  He still couldn't bring himself to do it doggie style with Oska if she was in the room.  Oska thought he was ridiculous.

He thought he was even more ridiculous for refusing to answer any of his family's calls or texts.  Benson felt validated though.  He couldn't believe he'd even had a moment of indecision about having to choose between his family and Oska.  It wasn't a choice.  At least, that's what his anger told him and he was happy to listen to it and ignore the part of him that was crying in a corner because his mom hadn't woken him up on Christmas morning with a cup of cocoa.

Oska had been silent on Benson's familial moratorium for the first couple of days.  Then he had prodded him gently to answer a phone call or even just a text.  By day four he was giving him looks and refusing to give him blowjobs.  He didn't put an outright ban on sex, he said he wasn't crazy after all, but Benson didn't deserve any perks so long as he was being ornery.  Of course Benson didn't mention to him that he liked rimming Oska almost as much as he loved getting blown by him.  So he didn't really feel that deprived.

 On day six Oska didn't give any looks or lectures, which should have set off some warning bells, but Benson was still floating happily in the afterglow of getting drilled into the mattress.

"Benson!"

"Wha?" Benson murmured, turning over and actually getting aroused again just by feeling the soreness in his body.  How had he ever thought he'd had good sex before Oska?  He'd never even had okay sex if he had to compare it with even the most lackluster session with Oska.  Why had they spent over thirty years apart?  It wasn't fair.  And fuck Russell Little for being the one to bring them together.

"Benson!  I'm taking Charlie for a walk."

"Okay."

"Are you coming to give me a goodbye kiss?"

Benson raised his head, confused.  "What?"

"Come on, I want one."

Benson rolled his eyes and grumbled as he squirmed out of bed.

"Put some clothes on!"

Benson paused in the door.  He turned around grumbling and found a pair of boxers on the floor.  He pulled them on and realized they must be Oska's since they were a little tight around the waist.  He shuffled out into the living room feeling a little bit like a zombie on _The Walking Dead_.  Not that he actually knew what they looked like.  He couldn't participate in the discussions at work the morning after the show aired because Oska refused to watch anything that even had a whiff of horror attached it.  Apparently some bad experiences with _Doctor Who_ as a child had left him permanently scarred.  Benson hadn't seen much (any) of _Doctor Who_ , but he knew the special effects were cheesy enough that it was embarrassing to be scared by the show at any age.

As he saw Oska standing at the door, Charlie shaking slightly (but not as much as she had two weeks ago) by his side, he was grateful for whatever life experiences had made Oska into the man he was today.  No matter how ridiculous.

Benson wrapped an arm around Oska's shoulders and pulled him close.  He gave him a long thorough kiss with all the love and respect he had for him.  When he pulled back Oska was smiling at him.

"How's that for a have-a-good-walk kiss?"

"So-so."

Benson tsked his displeasure and scowled at Oska's grin.  The man leaned forward and pecked him on the lips.

"I'll be back in about ten minutes."

He pulled the door all the way open and revealed Hollis standing in the hallway.  Benson raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Thanks, Oska," Hollis said.

"No problem."

Benson glared at the traitor's head he led their dog to the stairs rather than the elevator.  Benson snorted.  It was only impressive if he took the stairs on the way up.  He looked at his brother who waved a cup of Starbucks coffee at him.

"Peace offering?"

Benson took the cup and a step back into the apartment.

"You want to come in?"

"Yeah, thanks.  But I can only stay a minute.  I'm just here to deliver the message."

"What message?"

"Kristen and Lynn and Navya have asked that you and Oska come over to Mom and Dad's tomorrow for an early lunch."

"What?  No way.  It's New Year's Eve.  I'm not spending it at Mom and Dad's."

"Dude, neither am I.  This is just lunch.  Corn beef and cabbage and black eyed peas.  You know?  For good luck in the New Year or whatever.  It's supposed to be a short thing and then we can all leave.  I definitely am.  I got reservations at the Four Seasons and Mom and Dad agreed to keep Ellia overnight so I got us a room there too and it's going to be long night of bow chicka wow wow."

Hollis grinned at Benson's blank stare.

"Gross.  Now go away.  I'm still mad at them and I don't want to subject Oska to anymore of their bullshit.  Not yet anyway."

"Hey, look if this was Mom's idea or something I wouldn't be here.  But Kristen and Lynn and Navya arranged this.  And I am not saying no to my wife.  Are you?"

Benson made a face.  "Hollis..."

"Come on, Benson.  You said Oska is forever."

"He is."

"So, you're going to have to deal with this eventually.  Just get it out of the way."

"I like Oska's reasoning on the subject of inevitability better."

"Well, I don't know what that is but I'm not not getting laid tomorrow because you're being pigheaded.  Get your ass and your hot boyfriend to Mom and Dad's tomorrow at noon, or I will do horrible things to you."

"Alright, alright."

Hollis gave him a pat on the arm.  "Thanks, bro.  See you tomorrow."

Hollis started out the door and Benson leaned against the jamb.

"Hey, Hollis."

"Yeah?"

"You know, you seem to be overly fixated on how attractive Oska is."

He shrugged a shoulder.  "He's an attractive man."

"Mm-hmm."

Hollis smiled.  "Let me put it to you this way, Benny.  You weren't the only Remick who experimented in college; you're just the only one who admitted it."

Benson let out a small disbelieving laugh.  Then he pointed an accusatory finger at his brother as he was getting on the elevator.

"That guy you went to Panama City Beach with for spring break your junior year!"

Hollis stuck his arm back out of the elevator and gave him a thumbs up.  Then he snatched his arm in as the doors closed.  Benson shook his head.  Then he gave an approving bob of his head even though his brother couldn't see him.  That guy had been hot.

 

Benson put Oska's Charger (but who were they kidding, it was Benson's) in park and frowned at his parents' house.  It was still decorated for Christmas.  Oska put a hand on his thigh and gave it a rub and a squeeze.

"Come on.  Try to go into this with an open mind."

"Oh, like they did?"

Oska shrugged, and offered him no further advice or comfort.  That was Oska: supportive, but not a crutch.  Willing to go to the mat for him, but knowing when to let Benson fight his own battles.  He really was the kind of companion he'd been needing all his life.

"Alright then.  Let's get this over with."

Benson and Oska each carried a bag of presents that had been stashed in the trunk and were greeted at the door before either even knocked.  Lynn took the bags from them and Navya grabbed Oska by the arm and ushered him away.

"Hey, wait, what are you—” Benson cut off as Kristen pushed him toward the study at the front of the house.  She shoved him gently inside the small room and he saw that his parents and siblings were already inside.  They all turned to look at Kristen who held the knobs of the double doors in her hands.

"Well.  We're all going to take care of preparing lunch.  You all stay here and...talk.  And nobody is eating or leaving this room until you've all worked everything out.  Have a nice chat."

She stepped back and closed the doors on them.  The doors couldn't be locked, but they all knew it would be a bad idea if they tried to leave without doing what they were told.  Benson pulled the remaining dining room chair that had been moved into the study closer to the doors and sat in it.  He clasped his hands together loosely in his lap and looked at his family.  No one seemed particularly happy to be there; his father least of all.

"Well, Benson, do you want to start?" his mother asked.

"Do I want to start?" he asked incredulously.  "I did nothing wrong.  You all are the ones who were out of line last week."

"I'm not the one who spoke crudely and disrespectfully to his father," Benson's father said gruffly.

"No, but I'm not the one who tried to reignite the Cold War again over a name."

"It's an unusual name," he replied defensively.

"So is Navya but I don't remember you asking her what caste she was from or why she doesn't eat beef the first time you met her."

Benson's father had the good grace to look a little abashed at that.  Benson looked around the room.

"None of you treated anybody else's girlfriend or boyfriend with such contempt the first time you met them.  What did Oska do to deserve that?"

"Benson," his mother said.  "We were surprised.  You hadn't dated anyone seriously since Lauren.  You hadn't dated a man since college.  And now all of a sudden you were living with someone you just met a few months ago.  We were concerned.  It was very out of character for you."

"I get that, Mom," Benson said, his voice slipping into tired irritation.  He ran a hand down his face.  "I'm not saying that you guys had no reason to be confused or concerned.  But was it really too much to ask that you have some manners?  That you not call him a whim or an oddity or proof that there was something wrong with me?  That you not try to say that I couldn't possibly have real feelings for him since liking men was just an experimental phase in college for me?  You have no idea who he is.  Or what he's been through."

Benson hesitated.  He didn't want to divulge Oska's private affairs to his family without his permission, but he felt an urgent need to make them understand how special Oska was.

"He's an Ivy Leaguer; went to Dartmouth.  He trained police dogs when he worked for the Elton PD and has gone on several humanitarian missions including to Thailand after the tsunami and New York after 9/11.  He married his high school girlfriend and was with her for over fifteen years until they realized they had grown too far apart to stay together.  He went through a divorce and a long period of being alone.  His parents died in a car accident earlier this year.  They'd been buried less than a year when his sister was kidnapped, tortured, and murdered by the Angel Slayer."

Benson's mother put a hand to her mouth over a gasp.

"He was kidnapped and hurt by the Angel Slayer...because of _me_.  He lost his dog to the psychopath.  A dog he had raised and trained since a puppy to be one of the best K9 officers I'd ever encountered.  And he was my rock while I was working that case.  I know I don't talk about it much and that's because it was awful.  You want to hear it?  It was a horrific experience and I felt helpless and useless and scared and having Oska to share all that with and not feel judged was what gave me the strength to keep going.  I needed him so much more than I wanted him.  And I..."

Benson paused as his voice wavered.  The catch in his voice was what caused the tears to fall from his mother's and Hollis' eyes.  Everly wasn't far behind.  Benson swallowed and continued.

"My feelings for him aren't just residual appreciation or gratefulness that he was a convenient shoulder to lean on," he said, looking at Connolly.  His brother wouldn't meet his eyes.  "I love him.  I am in love with him.  And he's not just someone who makes me feel strong and appreciated and useful.  He makes me happy.  I can't remember ever feeling so light and just...happy as I do when I with him.  Not even when I was a kid.  I feel, for the first time in my life, that I've done something _right_ by loving him.  That I'm doing what I was put on this earth to do."

Benson cut off, feeling embarrassed.  God, he was bordering on trashy romance novel levels of sappy here.  He didn't know how to continue or what more he could possibly say, so he didn't even try.

"Benny," his mother said through her tears, "you've never said that you've loved anyone you've dated before."

"Because I never have, Mom."

"But you love Oska."

Benson put his hands out in a "Well, yeah" kind of gesture, but didn't say anything.

"Benson, I'm so sorry," Everly said, sniffing back tears.  "What I said was stupid.  And I really didn't mean it the way it came out.  I like Oska.  Well, what little I know of him.  I'm sorry I ruined it and we couldn't get to know him better."

"I didn't mean to imply your feelings weren't real," Connolly said.  "I very much believe they are.  I was just worried that you felt more of an obligation to him and that can be dangerous.  I really did speak out of concern for you, but I was total dick about the way I said it.  And the fact that I said it in front of Oska at all.  I apologize sincerely.  Your relationship with Oska is between the two of you and whatever you feel for each other is real and I should have respected that."

“I still think you should have given us a little more warning,” Aldrich said, “but you’re right.  We handled it poorly.  And your guest didn’t deserve to be in the middle of that.”

Benson ran his tongue over his teeth but knew that was the best apology he was going to get out his oldest brother.  Although using the term “guest” to refer to Oska was a little galling.  He looked around the room: his mother and younger siblings were still wiping away tears and seemed to be onboard with the idea that Oska was an important and permanent fixture in Benson’s life now.  His oldest brothers he felt would at least be civil to him now.  His eyes fell on his father.  His face was stony and he sat stiffly in his chair.  Benson sighed and looked at the floor.

“What, Dad?”

“Have you really thought this through?” the man replied with just a touch of condescension in his voice.

Benson crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.  “Whatever do you mean, Dad?”

“Choosing to make a man your—choosing to be with a man publicly.  Just think of the stigma that you’ll have to deal with in your everyday life.  At work.  At—”

“At work?  Come on.  Unlike a lot of the private sector, the federal government actually has laws that make it illegal to discriminate against someone for their sexual orientation.  The Bureau celebrates its LGBT employees by giving us a month of acknowledgement, just like Hispanics and African Americans and Native Americans get.  They even have a potluck lunch during the month,” he threw in with a facetious tone.

“They may not be able to fire you, but they can stonewall you from getting promotions.  And they will.”

Benson shrugged.  “Maybe.  But I’ve got friends in high places and I don’t have any aspirations to be the ADIC.”

“Benson.  You’re not thinking this through.  All you’re seeing is what is directly in front of you and not the hardships you’ll face because of this.  A hardship you don’t need to bear because according to you, you do have a choice.  You can choose a woman and not have to deal with all the problems that come with being—like that.”

“Jesus, Dad,” Hollis said softly.

“Look,” Benson said.  “One: Oska’s not a choice.  It’s that simple.  And two: let’s not pretend that you give a damn about what I’ll have to face; you’re just concerned about the stigma you’ll have for having a ‘gay son.’  Well, I’m sorry if it will make things awkward at the country club when you walk in a room and everyone stops talking or you’re worried about hearing sniggering behind your back, but that’s your problem.  And it’s not one I particularly care about.”

“Benson—“

“David,” Benson’s mother cut off his father.  “I won’t listen to any more of this nonsense.  Benson has found somebody he loves and who makes him happy.  And that is all I ever wanted for my children: for them to be happy.  Oska is a part of his life, which means he’s a part of this family.  And you will be civil to him and treat him with respect or it will be you who is not welcome at family gatherings.”

Benson quirked an eyebrow and watched the silent battle that took place between his parents.  All of his siblings were just as shocked to hear their mother make an ultimatum like that.  Finally some of the stiffness left the man’s body and he turned his eyes to Benson.

“Fine.  Oska is who you’ve chosen to be with and I can’t tell you who you can and can’t be with.  As long as he’s good to you and treats you well, I will accept that he’s a part of your life.”

“Wow.  That’s very gracious of you, Dad.”

“Benson,” his mother said with just a touch of scolding.  “Now.  I think we can all agree that we were less than welcoming to Oska at Christmas.”

“Not me,” Hollis said.

“And I think we can all join the others for a nice lunch to celebrate the New Year and new beginnings.  I’m looking forward to getting to know Oska better, honey.”

“I’m glad to hear that, but guys, no questions about the case in Elton, okay?  I’m dead serious, it’s off limits.”

Everyone nodded their heads in understanding.  Benson blew air out through his mouth.  They were all definitely in a better place than they had been, but he had no delusion that he wasn’t about to sit through an awkward family meal while his family grilled his new boyfriend.  There had been similar inquisitions for the other Remick brood’s significant others.  Not all of them had passed the test.  In fact, only three of them had so far.  Benson’s and Everly’s boyfriends were the ones still on probation, and apparently Everly thought Richard would have a better chance at making the grade if he could share some of the brunt of the Remick offensive with Oska.  Richard was also present at the table full of Remick in-laws.

The lunch went about how Benson expected it would.  There were a lot of questions for both Oska and Richard that were nosy, slightly invasive, and bordered on awkward.  One or two inappropriate questions were carefully glossed over by requests for more black eyed peas.  The good news was that his family remained true to their word and no one questioned the legitimacy or rationality of Benson’s and Oska’s relationship.  The better news was that Oska had apparently charmed the pants off his in-laws while the Remicks had been in conference and already had them in his pocket.

Hollis was the savior of the day as he made sure to keep lunch short since he had promised Kristen a spa day in addition to a kids-free night.  Benson thought he might be able to slip out quickly with Oska, but he should have known better.  He was loaded up with several shopping bags full of presents and leftovers and it took no less than half an hour to make that happen.  In the meantime he was surprised to learn that all his nephews and nieces had actually been playing with the Xbox in the basement the whole time, and that they took to Oska like fish to water.  Ellia actually started crying when she was told Uncle Oska had to leave.  At last they were able to break free and Benson let Oska drive them home because all he wanted was to slouch in his seat and close his eyes for the forty-five minute trip back to their apartment.

He was so drained from the past week that he allowed himself to be grateful that Oska had opted to stay home instead of go out for New Year’s rather than be concerned that Oska seemed to be isolating himself.  They cooked a meal together, got Charlie to come out and play for a little bit, and then sprawled on the couch with the TV tuned to a New Year’s special with the sound muted.  Charlie snoozed in her bed in her corner, and Benson snoozed on Oska, nearly lulled into a full sleep by the soothing, rhythmic feel of Oska’s fingers combing through his hair.

“Hey, Benson?” Oska said softly.

“Yeah, babe,” he replied in a barely conscious murmur.

“Who is Levi?”

Benson’s eyes opened and he was wide awake, but only for a moment.  He relaxed back into the easy comfort of Oska’s body; his fingers hadn’t stopped their petting.

“Levi Baughn.  He was a guy I dated my junior and senior years of college.  Although, date is a pretty strong word since he was in the closet.  Not even our closest friends knew about us.  And I was fine with that.  At first.  His family was not the kind of people who would accept a gay son and I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him how he should deal with them.

“I deluded myself into thinking that it was just college.  That as soon as we graduated and he didn’t need his parents’ financial support anymore he’d be willing to come out to them.  My first clue that wasn’t going to happen should have been when he told me he was going to pretend to date a girl our senior year so he had someone to introduce to his parents.  He told me it was completely impersonal and that the girl was aware of that.  That nothing would happen between them.  I eventually found out he had been sleeping with her too, and the dating part wasn’t pretend at all.

“After we graduated I kept asking him about moving in with me and told him that I’d told my parents I was bisexual and ready to introduce him my family.  Well, I mean they’d met him before, we were ‘roommates’ for two years, but they didn’t know we were more than friends.  He kept putting me off and stalling.  And then at a party for his parents’ anniversary—a party at which I was present and not twenty minutes earlier had gone down on him in a locked bathroom—he announced that he and his girlfriend had gotten engaged.”

Oska let out a small noise of empathetic pain.  He moved his head enough to kiss the top of Benson’s head, but didn’t jump in to ask any questions.  Benson was glad he could have this conversation without having to look at Oska and continued.

“So, needless to say we had a huge fight after the party.  He basically said he couldn’t come out because his parents would disown him and he’d lose his inheritance.  He needed to marry his girlfriend to make them happy, but that didn’t mean that we couldn’t still ‘hang out.’”

Oska’s fingers tightened suddenly in his hair.

“Ouch!”

“Mm, sorry, babe.  That was for Levi, not you.”  He soothed the hurt by resuming his stroking.

“I told him that wasn’t good enough for me.”

“Good for you.”

“Yeah.  And if I had just allowed myself to wallow in misery and listened to Wilco on repeat it could just be a bad memory and harsh life experience.  Instead it became a humiliating experience, the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life, and something that my dad can constantly throw in my face about how homosexual relationships are always disasters.”

“What did you do?”

“I showed up at the wedding.”

“Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes.  First I found Levi while he was getting ready before the ceremony.  He pulled me aside to talk to me and tell me he’d made up his mind.  I tried to convince him he was making a mistake.  That we were in love and blah blah.  God.  After being with you I don’t even know if what I felt then was actually love or just infatuation.  But I had convinced myself I was in love and would never be happy again if I couldn’t have him.  We had sex, partly initiated by him, and he had the nerve to yell at me for staining his tux.”

“Did you do it on purpose?”

“What?  No, of course not.  Well, I mean I obviously wasn’t trying to be careful.  I mean, well, maybe.  Okay, fine, yes.  Totally on purpose.  So he kicked me out so he could clean his tux.  And I found myself in the bride’s suite.”

“Oh, Benson, stop.

“Nope.  You wanted to know.  So I confronted her.  And I may have been slightly inebriated.  I accused her of being a backstabbing bitch for stealing him away when she was supposed to be helping us.  Turns out she hadn’t known about me at all.  Though she didn’t seem all that surprised to learn that I existed.  She suspected that he might be bi or something, but she was convinced that Levi loved her and wanted to be with her and he just hadn’t known how to let me down easy.  So, of course, I told her that I’d just banged her fiancé the morning of her wedding.

“She had really tiny hands.  So, the slap itself didn’t hurt, but her engagement ring was loose on her finger and it had twisted around.  I think you can still feel the scar on my cheek from a two carat diamond.”

Oska moved his hand and stroked his thumb over Benson’s cheek.  He could feel when Oska found the very slight indentation on his cheek as he circled his thumb over it.  Then he moved his hand back to his hair.

“Was that all?”

“Nope.  So, I attended the ceremony.  And you know, they don’t do that ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ thing like they do on TV.  So, I just had to pick a time at random.  I stood up in the middle of the church and gave this amazingly awful speech about being true to yourself and how lying always came back to bite you in the end and left everyone more miserable than telling the truth.  I outed Levi to everyone there.  I begged him to follow his heart or some sort of bullshit like that.

“He was clever though.  Told me he was sorry that I had misconstrued our relationship or thought that he had feelings for me.  Made it seem like I was some poor little gay boy who had fallen in love with his straight best friend.  And before I could say anything more damning, he grabbed me by the arm and forced me out of the church.  In the lobby he told me—”

Benson stopped.  As humiliating as the scene in the church had been, the last moments he’d ever spent with Levi still made his chest hurt.  It had dulled over the years from a sharp, crippling pain to an unpleasant throb, but it just wouldn’t go away.

“He said to me, ‘What does it matter if I do care about you?  What does it matter if I care about you more than the woman I’m marrying?  I obviously don’t love you more than my inheritance.  You can do better.’”

Benson turned his face into Oska’s chest and waited for the memory to induce the familiar pain.  What he felt was Oska’s chest pressing against his when he breathed, his hands rubbing over his shoulder and side with loving concern, and his warm breath puffing over his scalp as the man quietly cried into his hair.  And it was there, the pain, but it was barely an echo of what it had once been.  The memories weren’t so much painful now as just embarrassing.

Benson hugged Oska tightly and listened to his soft sniffles.  He found himself smiling.  All this time he had hated himself and Levi for what they both had allowed to become of their relationship.  He realized now he should be thanking Levi for not giving up everything to be with him.  They would have ended up resenting each other and going their separate ways anyway.

Besides, Levi had been right.

Benson allowed himself to be guided upright and met Oska in a passionate kiss.  He saw the ball dropping in Times Square on the TV out of the corner of his eye as Oska pushed him back onto the couch and settled on top of him.

He had done so much better.


End file.
